The title of my post is because something has been bugging me. There are very few people I have any contact with anymore and the ones that I do have a very annoying habit of turning any and every comment into a story about how their life currently sucks. Yeah, I get it. You have problems and issues. But if you would pull your head out of dumping all your issues on me, you might see that I am drowning. Actually, I was drowning PRIOR to you dumping your load on me... your load just made it worse!
When I was getting into my relationship with Mike, I had a couple of very close friends, people who knew all my secrets. Unfortunately what most people don't realize is that abusive relationships have a key linking factor - the abuser HAS to separate his victim from their friends and family. If this requirement is not met, the abusers hold over the victim never reaches that tragic level of complete control. So, I watched my friendships fade... Amy, Cathy, Jen, Greg, Melvin. The people who always had my back got tired of the drama, of me calling them crying about the latest offense. Actually, they were gone before the REAL abuse began.
So once I walked out of my private hell, I was left with only my family. And my family has never been the real listening type. David really tries. He however has three kids, a wife, and a demanding life. Chris has no advice for anyone. And Mom... well, she tends to have the Pollyanna view on life... pretending the problem doesn't exist makes it not exist. So I think I talk to myself which really doesn't help. I need to find an actual counselor to talk to... someone who can help me feel less out of wack. But then I run into the issue of what I do with Toby while I do this.
Life just can't stop throwing curve balls at my head.
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Dear, dear Holly,
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you. I wish that I could just hold you and love on you make this all go away! I wish that there was a magic pill to cure this demon of depression. If I could literally walk beside you and hold your arms up as you walk through this valley (as Aaron and Joshua did with Moses), I would! You are a wonderful person with great talents and abilities. You are funny and loving and beautiful. I am sure that your depression blinds you to much of this. The most that I can do for you from this vantage point is to pray for you and pray, I will. I will pray for the right doctor with a spirit of compassion who will see your need and seek to find the correct medication for you. I will pray for friends with Jesus eyes to come along side you. I will pray for a Godly counselor to walk you through the valley with wise counsel. I truly love you, Holly!